The Sandwich

At a restaurant, a table of three Japanese men placed their orders for two sandwiches and a salad. The waiter came back and said "Sorry sir, we have only one baguette left so one of you will have to take regular bread on your sandwich"

"Oh" said one of the men, turning to his co-sandwich ordering friend and simultaneously both of them made a fist. They played one round of rock paper scissors and informed the waiter that the winner would be the one getting the baguette and the other person would get the regular bread.

Schrödinger's cat or Schrödinger's pussy cat

Many of us are blessed to have that particularly pesky uncertain friend who has a hard time making decisions. To substantiate my point, imagine that you are asking them over a call or text “hey..dude/dudette, coming for the movie?”. Their standard reply is “will reply/call back in a bit..” leaving you in a state of uncertainty. These people are the real world counterparts of subatomic particles. Let me explain, when you asked them the question it destabilised the equilibrium state of their system and the answer to your question is a superposition system made of different states(replies) ranging from a definite YES to a NO similar to a superposition system of different eigenstates. Their uncertainty made you uncertain as well and you both are in a state of entanglement. When you text or call them back as they are taking forever to reply (time flows at a different rate for them because they are from the QUANTUM realm!) which is similar to making a measurement of subatomic particles; their system of superposition states collapses and you get a definite YES or NO. Moreover, you two are not entangled anymore.

LUCKY YOU!

I have a name for them Schrödinger's cat or Schrödinger's pussy cat.

P.S – Women feel free to be offended with certainty.

THE BUTTON and THE PORSCHE

THE BUTTON and THE PORSCHE

One lazy Sunday morning, little Emma was awake and dazed and bored. She didn't know what to do. She was sitting on the sofa, lost and thinking particularly about… nothing. Just, plain bored like being bored at food and such mundane stuff. Then, she saw a huge white Button on the teapoy with a sewing needle and a spool of thread. Seeing the button, invoked her curiosity or as Spinoza proposed, the Button had consciousness and it influenced her. She took the Button and began fiddling with it, to satiate her curiosity (curiosity killed the cat and the satisfaction brought it back to life !). Then, she saw her toy black Porsche lying on the floor. She picked it up while holding this strangely telepathic Button in her other hand. Now that she had the Button and the Porsche (like a jigsaw puzzle), she didn't know what to do with the Button and the Porsche. She got lost in her thoughts contemplating about the purpose of a Button and a toy Porsche coming together in her tiny little hands, is it destiny? ! Then, after some lemon and lime, like Harry dash of genius, she put the huge white Button in the driver's seat of the Porsche. She was happy, giggled like sparkling soda and she took the black Porsche driven by the huge white Button to her dad. Himself being a NOTY daddy(NOTY Tony), he had a wicked grin on his big bugs Bunny face and he called the Button, Jenson Button!

ARIVAAL(sickle)

Once upon a time there was a rebellious youth. One day he was invited to his uncle's home for a function, it is the day of grandfgrand function. The rebel, he is well dressed and at his uncle's home. He enters and when he was exchanging pleasantries with a guest, he saw his uncle walking down the stairs. Our rebel ask the guest with whom he was exchanging pleasantries sniffing “can you smell something odd… like that of bullshit(chanakam) ?” The guest was flabbergasted and reply “no!”. Our guy kept sniffing and asked a few other people so that he grabbed the attention of guests and his uncle. When his uncle approached him and ask “what is your problem ?”, our rebel reply “I can smell the strong pungent smell of loads of bullshit(chanakam), like that of a cowshed !”. His uncle was irritated and furious and ask our rebel “SO?”. Our rebel reply “since it is sowing time, the chanakam can be used as fertilizer for crops and you will get good yield, which you can harvest with a sickle(arivaal). The hay can be used to feed the bull/cow and you can harvest more chanakam !”

WITCHCRAFT

It is 1500s, Europe is overrun with witches, perhaps due to lack societal standards and people being morally deprived/depraved or both. It's a huge problem, people fear going out at night, they believed witches are more of a problem than Ottomans or the plague. They decide to be tough on witches.

There was three legal standards for deciding if someone is guilty of witchcraft.

• The flotation test. Since witches reject the sacrament of baptism, water will reject their body. Take the accused, bound them and toss them into some water. If they float, they are a witch. If they sink, they are innocent. Quickly now mate, retrieve innocent woman. Therefore all floating bodies and flotation devices are witches.
• The devil's spot test. The devil enters someone's body to infect with witch-ness, and that point of entry is less insensitive to pain. Systematically do something painful to every spot on the accused's body. If some spot is relatively less(blimey !!! scientific jargon, it's 1500s. Heresy !!!) sensitive to pain than the rest, you have found a devil's spot and identified a witch :)
• The tear test. Tell the accused the story of crucifixion of Our Lord. Anyone not moved to tears is a witch(am I a wizard/witch ?).

STAR WARS Fan Theory

LIVING LIGHT

When Rey touches the lightsaber she experience disturbing visions which she is sure is not hers. Also the owner of the cantina Maz Kanata tell whoever she is waiting on Jakku is not returning(family). When she meet Kylo for the first time her whole world is shattered because she had already seen him in her vision. At last when she find Luke, he is shocked when Rey give him the Lightsaber. Later during her training she ask him the reason for his initial reaction(shock) for the Lightsaber. He tell her that the Khyber Crystal inside Lightsaber is alive, he had vision like her. He was shocked to see it because Kylo betrayed Luke to steal the Lightsaber since it belonged to Anakin Skywalker and like any other conscious entity the crystals got memories. The crystals are attuned to force sensitive individuals. With Luke's help Rey's visions are interpreted. It was Rey's parents who discovered it on Jakku who were scavengers because they were force sensitive when the Lightsaber found them. Luke had a duel above Jakku and Luke lost the Lightsaber on the starship which had crashed on Jakku. Luke find Rey's parents on Jakku to retrieve the lightsaber, the lightsaber directed him to them. They demand to know what it is and Luke had to narrate his life to them, they realise their force sensitivity just like the vagabond one armed magician who lives on Jakku, who talk gibberish about Jedis and Siths. The mad magician always told them they must become Jedi. They decide to be trained by Luke so they can have a better life as the new order of Jedi trained under Luke. They leave Rey on Jakku until they complete training. But Kylo was one among the new trainees. He betray the order and destroy the temple to steal the Lightsaber, in the coup, he murders Rey's parents, but he couldn't lay his hands on the Lightsaber because R2D2 smuggle it away from Kylo not to be found by anyone which was Luke's contingency plan. Luke made such a contingency plan when suggested by Yoda to protect Kyber Crystals which Siths need to learn from their memories to purge the Jedi forever. The red lightsabre of  the Sith use are synthetic crystals.

YODA'S CONTEMPLATION

As the ship is travelling through interstellar space towards Dagobah, Master Yoda was contemplating about his mistake of letting Qui-Gon-Jinn to train Anakin in the 1st place because of Anakin's susceptibility to the dark side (as mentioned in phantom menace). The Jedi council let Obi Wan Kenobi train Anakin according to Qui-Gon-Jinn's wish. Anakin saw Obi wan as an older brother with whom he competed. The master that Anakin required is Mace Windu who knew the Dark side better than any, perhaps even better than Yoda. Mace Windu invented the 7th form Vaapad. Yoda always believed if Qui-Gon-Jinn had trained Anakin he would not have turned to the dark side as the relationship between the two were that of father and son which Qui-Gon-Jinn communicated with Yoda as a force ghost. Yoda felt himself responsible for the downfall of Anakin as he did not put an effort to counsel Anakin as he was caught up in the politics of the empire ie like a politician rather than a Jedi. Because if he had, he would have sensed the Sith ie Palpatine, long before Anakin revealing to Mace Windu that Palpatine is the Sith lord(revenge of the sith). If Yoda had counselled Anakin he would have revealed about killing Dooku, Anakin killing the Tusken raiders to save Shmi also his secret marriage to Padme as one of the Jedi master of the council is married and have children.Anakin is the crux, as he is the most powerful force wielder and the entire Jedi council overlooked it.He was thinking why didn't he finished off Palpatine in the duel which he must have done.Tusken raiders normally don't kidnap people unless they have a reason(according to Lars). Palatine manifested on Anakin's nightmares and manipulated the Tusken raiders into kidnapping Shmi. Master Yoda actually sensed a disturbance in the force when Anakin killed the Tusken raiders.Yoda thought of reaching out to Anakin but the force ghost of Qui-Gon-Jinn objected against it but wait for Luke or Leia on Dagobah as they are the key to bringing Anakin back to the light side and bring balance to the force. Now Yoda realizes that what Qui-Gon-Jinn pointed out as reason for not being part of the Jedi council because it don't teach and let the Padawans experience the dark side as part of their training, also the council is more involved in politics of the republic.

Yoda decide to let go off these thoughts as he is going to Dagobah which is a planet that is ruled by the Dark side of the force.

PALPATINE'S DANCE

Palatine, Darth Vader and two Royal guards are heading for the rebel village on Ryloth through the wilderness of Ryloth. As they were moving through the dense foliage they hear a blood curdling screech. One of the Royal guard say the name “Lylek!”. Darth Vader sensed that it is a minion and communicate to the Royal guards. Palpatine ask them to head towards the cave under the huge rock that they see in the distance and he fell huge trees and boulders using the force to slow down the minions as they were chasing them. The Royal guards are terror stricken to see Palpatine use the force, they knew he is force sensitive but what they were witnessing was beyond their wildest imagination. They thought Palpatine to be a weak old man. Darth Vader was delighted to see his master use the force to his full potential because rarely does it happen. Whenever a minion neared them Palpatine brought it down like breaking a twig with force lightning. Finally they are inside the cave. Palpatine brought down boulders and closed the cave opening. They wait to recover and then they hear many screeches and it dawns upon the guards and Vader that it to be a Lylek nest and Palpatine had already planned this. The guards are scared. They head towards the nest and hear a Peculiar screech and in response Palpatine with a wicked grin say “it is the Queen”. Suddenly they are attacked from all sides by the minions but they are not attacking Palpatine as if the Queen want Palpatine for herself. Darth Vader and one of the guard is almost exhausted slashing and stabbing through plethora of minions as one of the guard was overwhelmed and killed. Vader and the remaining guard are taking a momentary break and they are covered in filth but Palpatine seems to be excited. When the minions were charging towards Palpatine all together, they were brought down by force lightning spreading from Palpatine in every possible directions as if it was hell before the two others. All the minions are decimated and none left. From the shadows the Queen was screeching in rage and as it began to charge towards Palpatine the ground began to tremble under them. When the Queen was near him Palpatine unsheathed his Lightsaber. While the guard defended off the creatures at the entrance, Vader and Palpatine took on the Queen and all her children that attempted to protect her. While Vader was trying to survive at that point as he was cutting down countless beasts, Palpatine was spinning around, laughing as he cut down and killing everything around him. He moved so swiftly, casually as if he was dancing. Palpatine was clearly having a blast. The guard thought that Palpatine looked like a lunatic. They finally kill the Queen and wipe out the nest.

THE RECRUITMENT

After Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader he released the prisoners whom he had captured during the clone wars. They are set free into an arena to fight each other out and take those who survive to be his bodyguards and henchmen. There are more than 200 prisoners. They fight each other or else everyone will be annihilated. The battle begin and it is a carnage. Mounts of mutilated bodies and blood of different colours flowing like a river, some half dead wailing in pain and suffering. The final survivors, some 70 individuals and it is kind of a stalemate because they cannot fight any longer as they are tired. They rest for sometime to recuperate which they decide among themselves. They fight again and around 11 die. At this moment everyone is force choked and Darth Vader is on the observation deck. He releases them and everyone is gasping for breath. He ask them “are you willing to serve the emperor ? If they are willing, then they have to bow before him.” Everyone bows before him. Then as they were leaving the arena he senses a resistance in one of the individual. He stops the guy with the force. Darth Vader asks him ‘why are you resisting ? ’ He reply, he knew many of them whom they massacred. He walk along the path of blood and mutilated body parts and wailing half dead and mentioning their respective names and as he was walking, good memories of them pass through his mind. Once this monologue ends Darth Vader ask him to finish off those who are not yet dead. The guy ask for a plasma gun or a lightsaber to do this as he is weak from fighting. Darth Vader do not respond and after a couple of minutes  levitates a blood stained metal rod from among the bodies. The guy took hold of it with a reluctance. Then he walk to a fighting droid and smash its head with it. He follows the same procedure of smashing the brains out for the living as well. Once he was done he is allowed to leave the arena. There in his cell he pukes. He think to himself ‘'Lord Vader is cold hearted and he must be feared”.

THE REVENGE

On tatooine when two Sandtroopers were conducting their survey as part of keeping order in the galaxy they see a house surrounded by Thugs and throwing away the households which one of the sandtrooper see through his binocular. They send a surveillance droid to get a clear picture of the activity. They see a man being beaten while a woman pleading to stop it, running from individual to individual and as she approaches each of the thugs slap or hit her very hard. The  two sandtroopers call for the rest of the squadron and they approach the house and ask the thugs to stop it and leave. The leader of the group refuse as the Man who is being beaten owes them water tax. The trooper inform water tax had been abolished by imperial decree since 1 year and they will be arrested. While speaking to the sandtrooper the Man hits the leader and the leader returns it with a brutal punch to his face and the Man's jaw is broken. Seeing this the trooper shoots the leader and this sandtrooper is killed by one of the trainees in the group of thugs who is a trigger happy guy. The troopers take down the entire thugs. This incident is reported to Lord Vader as he was using troopers to search for Luke Skywalker on Tatooine. When Vader is informed of the location of this incident, it is the location of his  stepbrother Owen and girlfriend Beru. Lord Vader ask the trooper to enquire their name and not to terminate the communication link until he ask them to, as he was watching all these through the hologram. He think of using them as a bait to trap Luke. He order the trooper to take them in custody and search the house and also enquire the couple about the reason for thugs harassing them. Beru inform the trooper that they are moisture farmers and Owen owed the Hut that years tax which he refused to pay because water tax was abolished by imperial decree. The thugs been demanding the tax even though it is illegal. This time the new group leader grabbed her and things went bad and the rest of the events which the troopers witnessed. The members of the squadron who searched the house report that the protocol droids and land speeder are missing as they couldn't find them which is listed in the inventory of the house. The trooper enquire about this to Owen but he cannot speak because of his broken jaw. Beru inform the trooper that they didn't register it as they will be fined by the Hutt for it which they cannot afford. As Vader was watching all these his hatred for his extended family consumes him. Anakin always believed that his mother Shmi was abducted by the Sand People and they didn't search hard enough, because of this he hated them. His hatred to Owen was extreme because he did not try to find Shmi as his girlfriend asked him not to because he might get killed by the sand people. Initially he was planning to take them into custody. Because of this all consuming hatred he order the troopers to kill the couple and burn the house. He gave the troopers instructions on how to execute them. 1st burn Beru and let Owen witness it. Then break his limbs and burn Owen and the house. Lord Vader saw all these through his hologram the fire consuming the house light years away and it was satisfying.

HAPPINESS

A guy was talking to someone on his phone, he was sounding emotionally vulnerable from the way he talked. He asks ‘why did you get married ? You knew I'll be waiting, but still…’. He listened to the reply for sometime and was walking in a jittery way, then he talks ‘ no need to be sorry. I'm not angry and happy for you that you are settled’. As he was saying this we can see tears rolling down his cheeks. Then he hung up the call, gets dressed and walks out with his backpack and an umbrella as it was raining heavily. He was wet because it was windy, goes into a government office to get some certificates but it was delayed because he hasn't submitted a particular document attested by the gazetted officer. So he was angry and frustrated, because he forgot it due to his personal issues and walks out. He was cursing the monsoon, the avalanche of bad incidents piling upon him including his lover getting married, he is walking as if he was dragging his body under the burden. He enters the nearby girls HSS and wait at the entrance of the staff room because a teacher asked him to because that day the 11th grade students were allocated their particular stream of courses. So he walks to the stairways near the entrance, waits beside it looking out into the street, the vehicles moving along the street and people walking under their umbrellas.

In the background, girls are gathering along with their parents, they are happy and giggling. His thoughts are dark and brooding, this happiness surrounding him is not affecting him. Then in a moment of realization that his distress was because he was worried about the safety of his lover and the troubles she would have to face waiting for him. Now that she is married and safe, he need not worry and have to be happy for her because he loves her. Suddenly the rain, the giggles, the dripping melody of rain drops and the cool breeze, every element combined he was truly happy.